Why I got Baptized | Matthew’s Story

"My name is Matthew and for as long as I can remember there has been a deep desire to belong that created a hole in my heart. A void that couldn't be filled with the things of this world. But, that didn't stop me from trying.

I grew up in East Los Angeles California and was conditioned to live a fast paced lifestyle. I was a normal kid who liked to do normal city kid things. I had two loving parents and two older brothers. I had a loving family but I was lonely.

I remember around the age of seven I started to hear about Jesus through my next door neighbor. She cared for me when my parents were at work. She would share Bible verses with me. I accepted Jesus into my heart at that time. So I knew of Jesus but I didn't know Him yet. I grew up in the church memorizing Bible verses and participating in youth ministry. Occasionally going to summer camps. I thought I loved God but how can you truly love someone that you barely know? Even then I was constantly searching for a place to belong. Chasing after something that would finally make me feel whole.

When I was eight I experienced sexual abuse. As a child I knew it was wrong but I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to get hurt or conflict to arise. I was scared. From that, a deep emptiness began to grow within. No matter how good of a child I was or what I did, there was this resistance. It was a tiring and disheartening experience growing up. My parents were good to me. My parents loved me and my brothers loved me, but I couldn't shake the cold and depressing shadow that followed me wherever I went.

I looked for things to fill this cold and meaningless life. Drugs and destructive coping mechanisms began to tear my life apart slowly but surely. I thought I had it all together and could control myself but in reality it was controlling me.

After losing things and people very dear to me ... My home, my license, my car, my family's trust ... and experiencing homelessness again and again, I was done. This terrible life I was living wasn't worth living anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I couldn't see Jesus was right there the whole time. Even in the darkest and most depressing moments of my life. How could someone as broken and wretched as me, someone who just wanted to die and disappear, be loved by a creator who wants the absolute best for me? "Do you see me God?" I would cry out in desperation.

After numerous accounts of relapses and suicidal ideation, I felt a voice calling me. A voice telling me to come home. I knew I could no longer do it by my own strength. This was life or death ... A pivotal moment in God's redemption. During and after rehabilitation, I have come to know His truth. God, through Jesus Christ, has radically transformed my status. Pulling me from the darkest of sin and its control to the light and freedom of His son's kingdom. I received complete forgiveness. Jesus does see me. He understands I am not perfect.

When Jesus started to make Himself known to me in my adult life, it wasn't a dramatic flash of light, but instead a quiet persistence of His presence that started to rule my life. He saw me in my brokenness and my searching and He reached out His hand to me. He didn't wait for me to be perfect or to have everything figured out but instead, He simply saw me. He didn't take me out of the fire, He used it to draw me farther away from this world and closer to Him. He didn't take me out of the struggle but walked with me through it. He held my hand and made me aware of His presence. His strength carried me when I couldn't carry myself. God didn't promise me an easy path but He did promise to be with me every step of the way. And He has been faithful to that promise. His love is truly amazing.

Because of His love and mercy and grace, I stand here ready to be baptized. This is not just a ceremony but rather a profound declaration. I publicly announce Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Who else could have saved me? Who else could have continued to pursue me and love me the way He has? Who else could have filled this gapping hole in my heart? He left the 99 and searched for me. Every day He gives my life purpose and meaning. I live each 24 hours in gratitude and all. I was not promised this day, but here I am. Another breath of life to share what He has done and continues to do in me. Thank you."