Ryan knew his drinking was a problem. Alcohol owned him for most of his life. Getting better was unlikely. Those that loved Ryan the most endured the consequences. His family and his girlfriend, Marisol, endured the most. When he messed up, it usually blew over. This time was different. Something Ryan’s daughter said got a hold of him.
“This time it was my kids,”
Ryan described that fateful night when he was locked out of their family home by Marisol.
“I didn’t know what to tell Malcolm (Ryan’s oldest) why I wouldn’t be there. Marisol was talking to our daughter about why she kicked me out. I remember hearing Avianna saying to Marisol that it would be okay. She told Marisol that the little kids would be fine because look at her, she didn’t have a dad (Avianna is Ryan’s stepdaughter) and she was fine. That rocked me to my core! The Lord spoke to me right there. He said, 'Ryan, you know where you need to go.'"
Ryan checked himself into the Open Door Mission’s treatment program the next day. He was hoping to change for good. He was really hoping to hear from God. He knew of God and he knew he needed Him. Ryan grew up Christian. His mom, a devout Baptist, always told him that God was working on him. Ryan read the whole Bible before the age of 12. He was smart, had many friends and was good at most things including sports. Ryan was about to go to college on a football scholarship. But he didn’t go. He was already deep into addiction. For the next fifteen years, he used every day.
Marisol was relieved the day Ryan checked himself in at the Open Door Mission. She was also so hurt. After many years of living on and off together and adding two kids to their family, she was tired. Living with an addict is like living with little oxygen. All she knew was that she couldn’t live like that anymore.
“I remember feeling so broken,”
Marisol explained.
“I was so full of anxiety, guilt and shame. We both had our addictions. We both had our pasts. I started to pray. I knew no one or nothing could take this away but God. When I was young, my grandma in Mexico taught me Catholicism and praying and talking to God. I would be in my room, and I would often talk to God. I slowly walked away from that as I grew older. Even though I felt His presence and saw His work. I heard God. I knew this was temporary and not forever. I would think in a year it would look better. I would tell myself to just stay alive. I knew God was with me. I wanted to give it to Him. I wanted security.”
During rehabilitation, Ryan was kept busy with the program’s daily devotionals, classes on mental health, Bible studies, and then work in the afternoon. He was tired and depressed.
“You can feel heavy,”
Ryan confessed.
“All the other people who are trying to get better were heavy. But I found hope and peace too. I had a discipleship class, one-on-one, and my discipler helped bring me back to my roots with God’s word. What God’s word means for me, my family, and my life. It all started to take me out of that selfish thinking. I asked why God put me here. I began to understand that God knew I was going through these things, but I had to so I could help someone else.”
Part of the treatment program was also the opportunity to go to church. Citylight offers a Sunday morning pick up at the Open Door Mission. Volunteers drive the church vans to and from the Midtown location Sunday gathering. Ryan started to go. He then asked Marisol to come with the kids. Ryan described those first Sunday gatherings,
“I came here for two weeks before Marisol and the kids. I knew God is what works. I learned quickly all the sermons at Citylight are Bible-based. You hear how the text relates to life, but it is all God’s truth. I started to ask "how do I get right?”
Marisol added,
“When we got to Citylight, it was different. There is a welcoming spirit and of hospitality. Even in the kid’s area. It was so warm and loving. There are community and activities. This church shows you how to love God and how God loves you. I wanted to know more and learn more. Citylight helped us.”
For three months Marisol and the kids met Ryan at Citylight on Sundays. When Ryan graduated treatment, the real test and invitation to live out his new faith in Jesus Christ was offered. Would Ryan, their relationship and their family go back to old behaviors?
“When I came home, I was anxious, not scared,”
Ryan explained.
“I had some home day visits before that. I got a little used to it before moving back. I felt the love of the Lord and from my family immediately. The joy and peace we had when I was present for my family ... It has changed my life. I knew what it was like not to be with them. I knew what it was like missing them every second of every day. The Lord showed me what He saved for me. Not what I was missing. He showed me that all this is a blessing. He told me in that moment I won’t leave you nor forsake you. He told me I wasn't in your addiction, in your running around and definitely when you were trying to leave Me. He blew my mind!”
God took the urge to drink away. He also took the shame and guilt that came after he drank. Ryan was walking in his new identity.
“I don’t look at it that way because that is not who I am anymore,”
Ryan said about his old self being taken away and replaced with his new self in Christ.
“All that happened but I can walk anywhere now, and I am free. I don’t have to live that way anymore!”
Before Ryan came home from treatment, he and Marisol attended the Citylight Premarital Class. A new conviction sprung up in their souls.
“I mean I felt married already,”
Marisol admitted.
“We had been together for years and had known each other since high school. All the young couples in the Premarital Class were there, and I felt like the old married ones. We heard in the class that you’ll go through all these things in marriage. We had already been through most of them and so much more. And we got through it by the grace of God. Now, we want to be obedient to God.”
A sweet conviction settled in for the next few months. One of the guys who had been discipling Ryan asked him "When are you going to be married?" He shared with Ryan that sooner than later, you do what you have to do and let God do it. Finally, Ryan met with Pastor Joe Julian and the two concluded they were ready. Ryan and Marisol were going to get a witness and go down to the courthouse, but then, his mom and grandmother stepped in. They wanted to give Marisol a beautiful wedding. Quickly in a month, with their church community helping, they were married at Citylight.
“There was an amazing moment after we got married,”
Ryan said with affection.
“After the reception, the kids went with their grandparents. We had just left the reception dinner. We got gas and at this random stoplight, waiting, I looked at her, and I was like we are married! We did it. My younger self was talking to her younger self and saying we made it. We were still young and at that moment it was made clear and good.”
Marisol described their union,
“I didn’t know what we were missing. It’s like our love leveled up. It happened so fast. It was God’s plan, and I would do it all over again. Our kids got to see our wedding. Especially our daughter. I want her to see God and His love and our love from Him. And with our bonus daughter who lives next door. I hope to show her that it is possible for two people who went through so much and to come out of it.”
Ryan concluded with praise and an invitation to God’s promise,
“Getting married to your partner is the biggest way to capitalize in the blessing God has given to you. With our kids, it’s bringing them up as strong spiritual leaders. It’s all about planting the seeds and allowing the Holy Spirit to light the fire. Marriage is a lot like that. You have this partner that God has blessed you with. The best way to capitalize on that relationship is to get married and be one on this side of Heaven. Even after being together after a decade, the oneness only comes with a covenant marriage. It’s more “we.” What can WE do? It’s natural. We pray together without hesitance. It makes your walk better when you are obedient. Everything comes easier.”
Ryan is no longer owned by alcohol. He is instead bought and redeemed by Jesus. Out of God’s love, grace and mercy, he and his wife Marisol are saved. They now have an opportunity to live life faithfully for Jesus and for others.