Last year, Citylight hosted a meeting with Nebraska117. The meeting was for anyone interested in learning more about foster care. Nebraska117 is a Citylight partner whose mission is to equip, support, and provide rest so that foster families thrive. Lillian and Nathan Cunningham were one of the many people who attended. Both Lillian and Nathan have had a special place in their hearts for foster kids.
Nathan grew up in a difficult single parent family who experienced hardship. However, in the middle of that, and through the experience of fostering a family member and a friend when Nathan was a teenager, their family gained healing and love. Lillian was raised in a large family. Even so, her affection for children (Lillian is the oldest of 14) and heart to protect and care for them became an internal mission. When each of them gave their life to Jesus, not only did it free them both from lies and burdens from their past, it also provided a clear understanding that fostering would be a part of their future.
“We talked about fostering a bunch,” Nathan shared. “We always talked about two of our own, and looking into adoption for a third kid. We then had two of our own but the house we were in didn’t have room to bring in another child. When we moved into the house we are in today, we now had more room to foster. The timing seemed perfect. After the Nebraska117 meeting, fostering tugged on us even more.”
With their two kids in school, Nathan working from home and with Lillian as a stay-at-home mom, they both knew this could be the perfect foster care setting. Foster care kids need adults who care, who are stable and can provide a home. The Cunninghams knew it was time. They joined a foster support group and ended up being a helper to another foster parent. They then took the next step and went through training to be a foster family with an agency.
“Last November, I was shopping at Aldi and they had put out the Advent calendars,” Lillian said with a smile. “I went to Aldi to pick up two, and there were three on the shelf. I couldn’t help but get them all. The next day we got an emergency call for three kids. I couldn’t help but think of God.”
When the call came in for three kids, Lillian and Nathan only knew their ages and genders. With initial removals, this is all the information foster families receive from the agency. There were a lot of unknowns. However, this didn’t change the Cunningham’s mind.
“We said “Yes” not knowing much about the kids we were being placed with,” Nathan explained. “We now have learned a lot about them since that first day. The two boys were 4 and 6. The girl was 7. We have since learned that the two boys are special needs, being on the autism spectrum. Everybody raises their kids differently. Our kids misbehave, they get in trouble and when we tell them to do something, they typically respond and go to their room. But when you are dealing with someone else’s kids who are raised differently, the expectations are entirely different. With foster kids, you are very limited with what you can do in terms of discipline. You rely on them to listen to you. You don’t have the rapport with them. You don’t know their trauma and struggles nor why those behaviors are happening. Our kids don’t understand why we react differently with the foster kids. Our kids see someone that may be getting away with something that they don’t.”
The Cunninghams have had to change their home and habits and with this, there have been many challenges. But, with every challenge, there have been opportunities to see and to know God’s goodness. For example, the first time they attended church as a family of seven, they realized quickly that it would be different with kids who had special needs. Because of this, they had to watch church online. The children’s ministry did not have the resources to care for the boys’ special needs. They also realized going to City Group, out to dinner, or other regular things that they liked to do would have to change. That’s when they leaned on Nebraska117 and their church community to step in and be the hands and feet of Jesus. Across the nation, only 50% of foster families will continue fostering after their first year. However, when foster families are well supported, equipped and have a committed care community, over 90% will continue beyond that first year.
“Honestly the biggest impacts have been how much the Nebraska117 Citylight group has come around us and with their support,” Nathan shared. “They reached out to us on a weekly basis with a meal, with prayer and always asking how to help. For example, the past couple months, we have been a part of the Harbor Church plant meetings. With the two boys with special needs, they have provided someone to watch the kids so we can attend those meetings. We have had people watch our kids during the foster kids’ visits so we can go on date nights. There are people to watch the two boys in a sensory room that Citylight has made so we can attend church in person again. There are people going out of their way to help. Foster care is one of the hardest things in my life. But every hard thing before this one didn’t have the support like we have now.”
The Cunninghams have also received intangible gifts. Lillian has seen God give her patience and not just with the kids, but with her husband and herself. She is quick to say it’s “... Because of Jesus.” They have seen the increase of encouragement and joy. For example, a few weeks ago, one of the boy’s teachers came up to them after class with tears in her eyes. She shared with them how far she has seen him come with growth and behavior and how proud she was of him but also, grateful. There was also the time when a new kid joined the boy’s class. The new kid came in and was sad. Their foster son knew immediately something was wrong with the kid, and being mostly nonverbal and autistic, he patted the kid lovingly on the back and shared his toys. Then there are all the prayers. The people, small groups, family and friends who are praying for their family and for each of them has been a tremendous gift.
Another gift has been with their foster kid’s biological father. The father has had visitation and has even used some of his visits to attend a Citylight gathering. Nathan said it was through this partnership that the father “saw our love and the change with his kids. It’s a ministry for the parents too and not just the children.”
Fostering has opened Lillian and Nathan’s eyes to these things but also, to the current condition of the foster care world and the needs of the kids in foster care.
“Because there are not enough people involved, thousands are in group homes or unsafe foster homes,” Nathan explained. “A great deal of foster parents get involved for the wrong reasons or have criteria that excludes most of the children needing placements. There are so many older kids in foster care who don’t end up in homes, and instead, end up staying at the police stations, or in hotels with a leader, or a group home. Older kids in the foster system should not be seen as damaged goods. The older kids need a safe and loving home too. We see this as an opportunity for more Christians to step up and take care of the children, and with local children especially. We should support going overseas, but there are also children hurting locally that we can make a difference in their family’s lives.”
The invitation to get involved with fostering is to everyone. Lillian and Nathan described some of the ways to get involved:
“If becoming a foster parent is not your calling, there are tons of other ways to help. I remember we didn’t have clothes in the sizes for the kids or enough beds. Initially after placement a lot of that was donated to us through our foster care agency through donations they’ve received to their Care Closet. Our foster kids then had the things they needed for the first few days until we could go shopping for the rest. Respite care is a big need. Respite care is a temporary placement from foster families who need it. There was a couple who went through the foster classes with us and still were not sure about committing to taking in children full time, but they considered becoming licensed to do short-term Respite Care placements for foster families. I had a work trip and wanted to bring Lillian and my kids with me for a mini-vacation, but there are rules about taking foster kids out of state. When we do trips like that, we rely on respite care. Other people who are licensed or have gone through the background check process can step in and care for our foster kids short term.”
People are also needed to be mentors. Nathan said,
"it would be amazing if there was someone who could take a foster kid out on a regular basis and show them that they are loved and cared for. To build another trusting relationship for the kids in foster care is big. Develop relationships and friendships with the foster kids around you. Also, get involved with the Nebraska117 group to offer support.”
Joining the Nebraska117 group is simple and the commitment is up to the individual. From making a meal to committing to pray, there are ways individuals and City Groups can be involved with the foster community.
Today, Lillian and Nathan are celebrating every moment and cheering on every little win. They have seen so much progress in their foster kids. They have seen their two biological kids step up and lead with care. They both would say that they couldn’t do this without their faith in Jesus and their church.
“Growing up through such hard times, as a biracial kid in a single parent home that dealt with drugs, abuse, and homelessness,” Nathan described, “I shouldn’t be where I am today. It is only because of God I have a wife, family, home and career that I have today. Now I can be used to help kids going through hard times. I’ve built everything on my personal relationship with Jesus.”
May is Foster Care Awareness month. If you would like more information on helping or joining Citylight’s Nebraska117 group, email Melissajoybrady12@gmail.com.