Words of Light | A Recovery Story

Writing poetry was a way for Carolyn to communicate her emotions as a young girl. Whether Carolyn shared them with someone or not, it was a method to put words on a page instead of keeping them inside her mind and heart. When Carolyn was sixteen, she lost her mom. Then, the poems evolved as a prayer, as a cry, or a chance to be vulnerable, honest, open, and raw with God. Tears and sorrow would pour out on those pages. However, that wasn’t enough. After College her struggles began, having walked away from God and soon after from writing. These struggles took Carolyn into the dark where no words or light could emerge.

“I grew up in Washington and my family raised us kids in the church,” Carolyn shared. “As an adult, I gave into free will and I turned away from God. Most of those years I spent wandering. Much like the prodigal son. My life was consumed with substance use, codependency and violence.”

In March of 2023, Carolyn woke up in a hospital bed. She knew she needed a fresh start. The path she had walked the last 10 years was leading her to a dead end.

She cried out to Jesus asking for his help not knowing what her future held but desperately needing God to save her from self-destruction.

“I knew I needed to leave,” Carolyn recalled that fateful day. “I didn’t want to maintain my habits and I didn’t want to be around all the old connections with my substance use. I knew I needed new friends based on recovery. I needed healthy interactions.”

She moved to Omaha and soon after into the Lydia House. As a resident attending their recovery program, Monday night New Community was a requirement.

“It felt like home,” Carolyn confessed. “God delivered me from my drug addiction and showed me how precious I am to him. That I am irreplaceable and valuable to him. He has placed so many people in my life to show that to me. I have had a renewed connection to him that can only be explained by his miraculous way. He delivered me out of dark and sinful times and showed me that he loves me no matter what. I think of that one story in scripture where he left the 99 to seek out the one lost sheep. That was me.”

New Community meets at the Midtown location on Monday nights. Carolyn wanted to find a church home after graduating from the New Life program at the Lydia House. She was curious about Citylight since they hosted New Community.

“I wanted to find out what this church was all about,” Carolyn said with hope. “To find out more deeply. The first day I stepped in I knew I was home. I experienced peace, the presence of God and his Holy Spirit, and I experienced such a positive energy and love from everyone here. The pastors, members and service were all about Jesus. This January I chose Citylight as my home.”

Over the next few months, God used his church to show Carolyn what love looks like. It has been a community that has surrounded Carolyn and turned into the hands and feet of Christ.

“The sermons have been real, the people’s stories are real, and there are no masks here,” Carolyn described. “I have learned about, and understand now, God’s word. Even though I have studied the Bible quite a bit all my life, the things I knew so long ago are becoming new to me.”

Another thing God has renewed and redeemed in Carolyn is poetry. She has words again and a will to put them on paper.

“God has done that,” Carolyn declared with tears in her eyes. “I write on how I am doing and a couple of them I have written most recently have been cries out to God and gratitude for his redemption story that he is writing about my life. He has pulled me out of a domestic violence situation and has reminded me that no matter what, he is holding me in the palm of his hands. He has orchestrated everything in his perfect time. Bringing me to Omaha, to the Lydia house and recovery program...no human can plan or orchestrate that. It's all God. The poems have been a way to communicate how I feel which is blessed, grateful, and thankful that I am alive today. It is an opportunity to heal, and not just for me, but now for others. I am amazed how many people have responded and appreciated the poems. I think of Jeremiah 29:11 and that his plan is perfect and that it will bring prosperity, and that it will change something harmful into something beautiful. His plan is perfect, even when I think I know best.”

One person God put on Carolyn’s mind to share her poems and testimony to was Pastor Chris. The second time she attended Citylight, she shared with him that she had been a few months clean and on her recovery journey.

“God told me to talk to him, I’ve been updating him as often as I feel led to,” Carolyn acknowledged. “This past April, after waking up in the middle of the night and writing a poem, I shared it with him. The poem is a testament to miraculous healing work God has done so far in my life. It’s looking back to where I was, praising God I’m not there anymore, and looking forward to where he is taking me.”

My Journey Thus Far by Carolyn Anne Yager

Who do you say I am dear Lord that my life could turn around; in such amazing ways dear Lord, renewed hope and purpose found.

How selfish of me would it be to keep it all to myself; to hold on tight and not let go, not sharing hope and help.

To keep the gift you gave me quiet, storing it on a shelf would be an egregious tragedy compared to nothing else.

You say we shouldn’t hide it under a bushel dim. The saving grace of Jesus Christ, there is no one like him.

In a fraction of a second my life it could have ended. But my God had other plans then, when he reached out arms extended.

Offering healing, love, and mercy a life no longer lost. His prodigal daughter returned that day after paying quite a cost.

Jesus came down from heaven born the lowliest of low to share no condemnation for sin already known.

He helped feed the hungry, he healed the blind he healed the lame; shared many meals with people that no one dared even claim.

He paid the highest price willingly. He bore my sin and death. He took it all to the cross ‘til there was nothing left.

“It is finished” all done, so they thought so they said, though the grave was found empty my Savior not dead.

His death was not wasted He rose up again offering hope and deliverance from the shackles of sin.

The sky is the limit, no mountain too high, for me to climb with God by my side.

His strength is perfect and more than enough to undergird me when my seas are rough.

No weapon shall prosper my armor is strong with the Holy Spirit to guide me I finally belong;

To the heaven bound family of my Heavenly Father. I AM a princess! I AM a daughter!

His love knows no bounds, fills my cup to overflowing.

Praise God for the blessings I’ve gained from growing.

From knowing He loves me and watches me healing, in order to share all the hope that I’m feeling.

There is no coincidence, nothing left to chance with God as my partner he asks me to dance:

To step out on faith when the way is unclear to trust in his vision for life far and near.

After writing this poem, it was as if God gave Carolyn a big hug. It was a way that Carolyn understood more deeply that she is his child and therefore, a part of his glorious plan. That plan includes a future. Something Carolyn never thought of nor considered.

“God has shown me that I am meant to help people,” Carolyn admitted with a smile. “I want to be in the behavioral health counseling field. I have a heart for people and helping them considering everything I have been through. Sharing my story, and poems, of hope is an opportunity to help and show others there is good out there if they are willing to look to God for healing and hope. God is using me as his vessel and a tool, and I have an opportunity to make a huge difference in the world just by being willing to share my story. My hurt is not wasted.”

Currently, Carolyn is working at the same shelter that offered her a place of recovery as a family support worker. She is giving back to the community that saved her life. Her goal now is to go back to school to get a clinical counseling degree.

“When or how I have no idea, but I know God does,” Carolyn said with joy. “I desire to open my own non-profit, or community outreach center and emergency shelter, if God deems it so. I want to operate a safe, loving and accepting place for people, from latch-key kids to those who are dealing with child protective services, or for those who need a safe place to work through domestic violence issues. I want it to be a haven for hope. I have learned that God asks us to step out. It’s that simple because he takes care of the rest.”

Carolyn has complete hope for her future. This June 4th Carolyn celebrated one year being clean. Considering where she has come from the past twenty years, gives her even more excitement for what her future holds, even if she doesn’t know what that is. She knows God can do anything. His word is good and always present and is a light through darkness. Her life is in that light and she will write about it all her days.