There is, figuratively, a hole in all our hearts. This hole produces a persistent, greedy longing to be filled. We intentionally or unintentionally fill the hole with devices that are good or bad. Anything to make the discomfort go away. What we don’t know or forget is that the hole in our hearts can only be filled by Jesus. It is Jesus that satisfies, silences and fills this space perfectly. Bailey Minturn, a college student at Citylight, had a big hole in her heart that took her joy away. She filled it with devices and people that seemed to fill her with joy. However, she learned quickly and thereafter, the joy she received was fickle and fleeting.
“A few years ago, I had everything I ever thought I wanted,” Bailey described her life chasing after joy. “I graduated early from high school and had a scholarship to go to college. I had a boyfriend who treated me great, a family that was good and a car that was good. I had everything I wanted and yet the hole in my heart was not fulfilled. I was always missing something. I was lacking true joy. Actual joy. Everything that gave me joy was so temporary. It lasted for a moment or a night. Something or someone always took it away.”
Good feelings would quickly turn to feeling failure for Bailey. She was tired of feeling empty. She remembered one night in high school, sitting in her bedroom, where she called on the name of Jesus and he answered her. She never forgot that moment. She was curious if God would do it again.
“I grabbed the Bible in my closet and read the book of Matthew,” Bailey described the pivotal moment a few years ago as a new college student. “I was confronted with Jesus’s compassion and his love for me, and I experienced his Spirit. I remembered as I read and learned, I started to experience peace and hope. I was excited that I could have what the Bible described. I don’t know if I said the prayer, but in my heart, I accepted Jesus. God helped me that night in high school. Maybe he could do it again and give me this joy and hope I am wanting now.”
From that night on, she read her Bible every day. Her cousin also invited her to a huddle, a small mentoring group. Bailey noticed her habits starting to change. The Lord convicted Bailey of unhealthy habits, coping mechanisms and of relationships in her life.
“The first thing I noticed was my music changed to worship, and I was hungry for God’s word,” Bailey confessed. “As I read and attended huddle, the Holy Spirit started to convict me with my relationships. He carved out the bad and replaced it with so much good! He delivered me from my addictions. When I stopped using drugs, the Lord said to me why would you need to get high when you are in a relationship with the Most High. Why am I searching for a temporary high when I have access to the best high ... His joy, peace, and true fulfillment. He replaced the desire to give myself joy and give myself peace with the lasting joy and peace in Him.”
At that time, Citylight announced baptism. Bailey’s best friend went to the baptism class with her. Bailey never heard of a believer’s baptism but knew she wanted to be baptized. She wanted to do it for Jesus. A few weeks later, in front of all, she proclaimed to her church family that Jesus changed her life.
“For me, on that baptism day, the Spirit had never been more intense,” Bailey described with tears. “I felt closer to God that day. It was overwhelming and so beautiful. After that, I experienced true freedom, and I wanted to lay my whole life before the Lord. Nothing was in the way. I gave it all to Him.”
With a newfound faith in Jesus, a life back on track with God’s plan, and a growing community, Bailey was never more alive in joy and hope. This past fall, after an invite from friends, Bailey attended the Salt Company (Salt). Salt is Citylight’s college ministry. There her community grew. Salt announced their fall retreat registration, and a month later, Bailey travelled four hours away with hundreds of other students to grow together in Christ.
“At Salt’s fall retreat my eyes were opened and my love for the Lord grew,” Bailey shared. “I heard about Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross. I asked God for understanding on what He did for me, and He answered that prayer with what I heard. He opened my eyes to the fact that I had been trying to earn my salvation. Before we left, there was a sermon about God’s global glory. It had never occurred to me that the Lord called us and partnered with us to bring those who don’t know Him to the gospel. I was moved. Immediately I felt conviction and tugs on my heart. The last page of my notes I wrote USE ME LORD! After the retreat, we were given a feedback card, and I filled out what I took away from the retreat, and one was an interest in going overseas. The Lord was calling me to go.”
Not long after retreat, Bailey applied to Salt’s summer global trips and got accepted. Now, she is preparing with her team and raising support for a 7-week assignment to Taiwan. In Taiwan, the team will partner with a local church to take the gospel to university students. There are 150,000 students in the city, and only 3% of the population is evangelical Christian. Bailey described the goal:
“We will befriend college students on college campuses and connect with students. The goal is to lead conversations, Bible studies, and share God’s truth and word. We are also taking language classes and eagerly learning about their culture. In Taiwan their culture is very welcoming. They are inviters and I am excited to share in that culture.”
As the team prepares, Bailey asks those around her, her church family, for prayer and support.
“A big prayer is for my team. Pray that we will work together, as one body. I want it to be a family dynamic. We will be truly working for one another, and I worry a little bit about that. Pray for health over us. Another one is, personally, I feel behind. I was supposed to start nursing school in the spring now I will be starting in the fall because of the trip. I want to be content in what God has for me now and where He has me. Pray that I don’t jump into the driver’s seat and take over. Pray for financial support and for others to join our team financially. I am excited to share what God does in Taiwan. Pray for the people we will meet.”
As Bailey and the Taiwan team prepare to leave at the end of May, Bailey has had time to reflect on what God has done the past few months. Her eyes have been opened to the fact that God has good plans for her and always.
“He has a plan for hope and a future for me,” Bailey declared. “A plan to do good things. He is working in all situations of my life for my good and His glory. This has been so apparent the past few months. I have seen this with trials with friends and situations, the offer to go overseas and getting a job. God’s hand is on my life. He has given me peace and excitement for the future. He is so gracious to me especially considering I am a worrier. He's like telling me all the time to trust Me, Bailey. I have you. God has all of us exactly where He wants us.”
“Also, I want my team and the students in Taiwan to know that God sees the desire of your heart and to trust Him. Enjoy where He has you and know that there is a reason for it and it is beautiful. If you look for it, you will find beauty where you are. If you really take the time to look for the beauty where God has you it helps you to be content and see the joys of where He has you. If I wasn’t looking for the beauty and benefits of where He has me, I would be discouraged. Take heart and know you are learning and growing, and you are doing God’s work. There are so many opportunities because of God!”
Bailey’s hole in her heart has been filled. So much that it now spills over with God’s love. Her hope and prayer are that it spills over onto others. She prays that God will use her to help show others the love and joy God offers in Jesus so that their void, or hole, is filled once and for all. God did that for her. He can do it for everyone that calls upon the name of Jesus.
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